Jackie Hill is a rapper, poet and speaker who created this poem for the July 2014 EFCA Challenge conference.
I am an introvert which tends to mean being around people isn’t my thing
The presence of other people makes anxiety out of me
I sometimes close my eyes and wish to be shadow but the light won’t dare hide fear
It’s too holy for such comfort
The mention of small group turns me cold
I’d rather winter my lonely—shiver my room with the slow death of isolation
It’s funny how this body won’t know it’s dead until the reek of its conditions reaches the discernment of the living
This fear of community is killing me
Can you tell I am malnourished?
I stopped growing the day they offered me food
Fed me fellowship, gave me broken bread and wine, communion and community
And I traded spirit to sit in silence instead
The convicting noise of an infantile faith
You can hear it when I run from truth
Run from you—in the name of trust.
Mis-trust in you or God?
Both have played background to my fear
background to my pride
My unwillingness to set my self aside to enjoy the beauty of his bride
I am blind if I don’t see the mistakes I am afraid for her to make live in me too
We are one
It’s time to live like it.