Living with Stage 4 Cancer
by Dee Huanca, RN, BS, MS
Parish Nurse at First Free Church, Minneapolis, MN
Many years ago my business partner in a mental health practice and I developed a model entitled, “The Survival/Living Concept.” Now nearly 40 years later, I am realizing I am in the position to choose whether I merely survive or truly live the rest of life.
Diagnosed
At the beginning of September 2009, I was diagnosed with colon cancer. After surgery, complications and more tests I was told I had stage 4 metastatic cancer and without treatment I would probably live for 24 months. With treatment the outcome would probably be better. Five years earlier my sister had been told she may survive 3 to 4 months after being diagnosed with multiple myeloma. She responded well to treatment and is doing well. I decided to choose treatment.
During the first year of treatment there were many side effects to contend with – nausea, diarrhea, constipation and fatigue – along with blood clots and infections that necessitated hospitalizations and more surgery.
Letting go
All of my life I have been a doer. I am the oldest child in my family. I am a nurse. I’m an educator. I’m a leader in my church. Now all these activities were curtailed. During my hospitalization for the first surgery my pastor visited me and said, “We just want you to be with us.” Of course I was mentally familiar with the concept; however, living it was foreign to me. I gradually realized I had a choice. I could merely survive or I could live the rest of the days of my life. Living would mean letting go of the fear of what might lie ahead. I realized as never before that I was not in control of my life. God was. Daily, sometimes hourly, I would say, “God I know you are in control and I trust you.” Because I had so little energy, I decided I would not use what I had to worry. This was very freeing to me.
In a position to learn
When my business partner and I defined survival versus living, we described surviving as a state of desiring to have the needs of acceptance, approval and affection from self, others and God met. However, because of previous experiences of not having these met we can become fearful, angry and depressed. Living was described as having the fruit of the spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, goodness that comes from having one’s needs met. I found that after I realized I was not in control, I was able to grasp the fact that God desired my trust and willingness to become more and more like Him. This could be done by spending more time with Him. Time was a commodity I had. I was in a position to learn to be since I had very little energy.
Being vulnerable
I was not able to drive, which necessitated my asking for rides to frequent appointments. Asking for help was very humbling. I was given a book by my partner in parish nursing at my church, "When God and Cancer Meet," by Lynn Eib. This book encourages us to learn to accept help and give back as we can. When people offered to help I wrote down their names and said that when I had a need I would call them. I did call them to tell them I had an ‘opportunity’ for them to help me. They told me they appreciated having time with me. I discovered that being vulnerable provided the opportunity to develop friendships and to experience being loved for who I am and not for what I do.
Yet it was important to me to do what I could do, including my parish nurse role. Although I was not able to visit those in our congregation who were homebound or hospitalized, I was able to make phone calls. Now it became a mutual support as they shared scripture and prayed with me, just as I did for them. I was now a “member of the club.” Just a few months before my diagnosis I had agreed to teach a parish nursing (Faith Community Nursing) class. I wondered how I could do that. Can you imagine my surprise when the other lead faculty member and adjunct faculty and volunteers offered to do the planning at my home and a student who lived near me offered to drive to class each of the 12 evenings of our course? It was going to be possible to fulfill my commitment.
A special time
James 5:14 states “ask the elders of the church to pray for healing.” Even though my diagnosis was grave, I wanted the elders to pray for my healing. This was a very special time to again realize that God has ‘plans for good and not for evil’ (Jeremiah 29:11) for me. I desired to live the rest of my life and to not merely survive. They and many others have prayed and continue to pray for me. Currently I am on a “chemo holiday.” I have been told that I will never be free of the cancer and to consider it a chronic illness. This means I can live with it but will probably be on and off of chemo therapy. I am doing well off of chemo at this time.
As God showed me how my relationship to Him was significant, I found I could even more effectively encourage others as they faced life’s problems or would one day face problems. I definitely knew I was, and am not alone. The more comfortable I was with the fact that my life may be shortened and that I planned to live it out, the more comfortable my family and friends were in being with me.
Win-win situation
It is significant that as we realize our mortality we can live fully and meaningfully. Christ gave us the commands to “… Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength … and your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:30-31). I can learn to do this. Learning to do this requires that I deal with the business at hand every day, especially relationships. There can be conflict, frustration and, confusion as well as support and hope. Each day we deal with issues, but we are not alone. As we trust God to meet our needs we are better able to love others and ourselves. Steven Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People emphasizes beginning with the end in mind. What is our end? We will be with God forever if we have committed our lives to Him. Whether we live or die we are in a win-win situation.
